Home
by windwhisprer
Summary: [oneshot][SanzoGoku] Ten years ago, Sanzo watched the love of his life disapear through the front door. And now, a golden eyed kitten keeps reminding him of the night he let him go.


**Home**

"Meow."

How many years had it been since he thought of him? It must've been ten years now since the young brunette had stood in his doorway, a bag in his hand. The boy—no, the man, had said he was leaving. He had said nothing but dimly watched him walk out of his life. He had been such a fool. The first three years without him were miserable. He didn't know how he made it through them. He retired from being a Sanzo monk, hanging his robes up for good. He didn't really get another job, but set himself up as a writer. He found it eerily soothing. Ever since he had began writing novels, his thoughts had focused. He was no longer stumbling around in the dark, looking for his lost ray of sunshine.

Wiring had helped calm his nerves, and pulled him from his depression. He hadn't realized how much of an affect the brown-haired monkey had on him until he was gone. But somehow, Sanzo had managed to pull himself up out of depression and get his life back on track. He had published several of his novels and had plenty of money. He lived alone, and liked to convince himself that he liked it that way. But he missed having his brown-haired charge around. Ten years without him and he had still not got over the boy's lingering presence.

"Meow."

He had been such a fool. Such a huge fool to think he could simply let Goku leave him like that. It had been not even a couple months after their journey had ended. The pair had set themselves back up in Chang'an. Sanzo had been impressed at how much Goku had grown up. He was no longer a child, but an adult. An adult ready to face the world before him. Unfortunately, Sanzo was afraid. Afraid of having Goku grow up and leave him. It had been a gnawing fear in the pit of his stomach that had never really gone away.

It had budded and grew ever since they had faced Kami-sama. He never realized how mature Goku had gotten, until the young man had managed to knock the three out of their stupor. That was when the fear had started. It had never really left him.

"Meow"

His fear had been realized that day.

"_Sanzo?" the man looked up as his name was called, surprised to find Goku standing at his door. The young man's golden eyes lingered towards the ground as they always did when he wished to talk to Sanzo about something he knew he would be in trouble for. Sanzo placed down his pen, focusing his concentration on the young man in front of him. _

"_What is it?" he said, in that same cold tone. That was when his observant violet eyes flickered down towards Goku's hand, surprised to find a traveling bag packed and hanging loosely in his fingers. Fear settled into his stomach when the young man held his head, and did not respond. Goku was trying to find the words. "What's wrong, Goku?" Sanzo asked, his tone a little more demanding then before. _

"_I'm leaving," Goku said flatly. The bluntness of his phrase startled Sanzo. He was surprised to find Goku's hard golden eyes trained on him, unwavering in his resolve. "I'm going to travel. I don't know what, but I need to find something." _

"_When will you be back?" Sanzo found himself saying. He wasn't surprised to find his tone cold, no emotion whatsoever seeping through._

"_I don't know," Goku answered truthfully. "It might be a few months; it might be a few years." Goku paused, leaving the room with a pregnant silence. Sanzo could swear Goku could hear his heart thundering in fear. "Is that… Okay?" _

_The room had been swallowed by silence once again. This one riddled with tension. This was where Sanzo had made his mistake. He'd relayed the scene over and over, wishing he could have said something different. Wishing he could have reached out and kissed the monkey, asking him to stay. But he didn't. He grabbed more papers, shuffling them into a pile and picking up his pen. _

"_You're old enough to make your own decisions." _

_Goku had bit his lip, and if Sanzo had been looking at him, he would've known that the boy looked absolutely heartbroken. "Okay," he whispered, mostly to keep the pain out of his tone. "Goodbye, Sanzo." _

_Sanzo said nothing as he listened to Goku turn and silently slip through the door. He hadn't even said goodbye, afraid his resolve would crumble. He sat absolutely still for several minutes after Goku left, simply staring at the words on his page but not reading any of it. He gripped the pen tightly, standing with a yell when the pen broke in his hand, sending ink splattering everywhere. _

_Sanzo let out a sigh, placing his hands to the desk and hanging his head. _

"Meow."

Sanzo blinked at the soft meow that sounded behind him, confused, he turned, glancing over his shoulder. The only reason he had left the house was to pick up his groceries. It was late. The sun had set some time ago, and there were few people on the street. He liked it better that way. No old men to ask him for guidance and no young women to comment on how beautiful he was.

His stalker gazed up at him with large golden eyes. It blinked in an adorable way that was all too familiar, cocking his head to the side before letting out another loud, "Meow."

Sanzo found the scene from ten years ago replaying itself in his mind. He shook it away, focusing down on the kitten that had decided to follow him home. It was scrawny, with matted brown fur and the biggest golden eyes he'd ever seen. He didn't even think they could get that big on a cat so small. He frowned softly. He hated cats. Why did things always like to follow him? "Go away, cat," he said, nudging the small animal away with his foot. He was gentle, even if the small nudge caused the cat to fall flat on its back. He didn't want to hurt the thing.

The cat jumped back on its feet, its tail swishing back and forth as though it were a game to him. The cat lunged out, sinking it's fangs into the man's boot. Sanzo merely snorted, shaking his foot and causing the cat to fall to the ground with an ungraceful thud. "Leave me alone," he told it, before turning and heading back towards his small house.

As he pulled out his keys, something furry weaved its way around his legs. He looked down with a growl, annoyed to find the small cat had followed him home, and was now purring madly. It looked up at him, pausing in its deadly weaving to give him the most adorable look, before letting out an adorable, "Meow."

Sanzo had long ago lost the will to fight. He had even more so long the will to fight off eyes that looked so much like his. 'Fine," he grumbled with a sigh, opening the door and watching the cat scamper inside. "One night. Don't get comfortable, animal." The cat gave a meow from somewhere within his house. Sanzo merely snorted at the conversation, flicking on lights and heading towards the kitchen.

He pulled a bottle of beer out for himself, placing away the many items he'd bought when the cat found its way around his legs again. Sanzo almost stumbled at the madly purring clump of fur. It took up at him, meowing hungrily. It didn't shut up until finally Sanzo let out an aggravated yell. "All right! I get it! You're hungry. Fuck…"

Sanzo didn't have much for cat food. So he simply opted for a small saucer of mild and some strips of salmon. The young cat was all over them, devouring the fish and drinking down the milk hungrily. Sanzo could only stare in morbid fascination. "You're going to choke," was all he could manage.

The kitten finished, before licking the milk from its fur and purring up at him. Sanzo stared at it for a minute, before snorting.

How stupid.

---

Sanzo had spent more time the next day trying to get rid of the cat then he did actually writing. Every time he kicked the cat out of his house, the kitten had managed to find it's way back in through an open window, some air vent, or some other strange opening. Sanzo was growing very, _VERY _frustrated with it. After five and a half hours of battling with the annoying kitten, he gave up.

Just as he figured he could get down to some writing, now with the cat problem all but pushed aside, some very _uninvited _guests had shown up.

"Sanzo? Are you home?"

Sanzo felt like beating his head against the table as Hakkai and Gojyo stood at his door. Throwing down his pen in annoyance, he fell back in the couch, grumbling out some inaudible reply. Taking this as an invitation, the kitten jumped up onto his lap, quickly snuggling into his shirt. Sanzo didn't bother to move it. The cat had been trying very hard to fall asleep in that spot. Sanzo was tired of fighting it.

He shot Gojyo a murderous glare as the man proceeded to laugh at him. "What's this?" the red-head cooed. "Mighty Sanzo-sama is getting awfully cozy there with a little fur ball, don't you think, Hakkai?" he asked, elbowing said youkai in the side.

Hakkai smiled, trying to keep from laughing. "Indeed he is," Hakkai stepped up, gathering the kitten in his arms. He chuckled as it mewed in displeasure.

Sanzo could only glare at them as they began to coo and coddle the kitten. "Why is it you two never knock anymore?" he asked in a cold, deadpan tone.

"Because we know you will never have a woman in here," Gojyo said, though still wiggling his finger in front of the kitten's face. Sanzo hurled a cushion at him, his usual gun lost somewhere on his desk. Gojyo dodged effortlessly with a laugh.

"What are you doing here anyway?" Sanzo snapped. It wasn't unlike the pair to visit him, but it didn't mean he liked it.

"We wanted to make sure you hadn't dropped dead, not saying that's a bad thing," Gojyo said, before immediately switching the subject. "What's his name?"

"How about 'annoying'?" Sanzo asked with a snarl, crossing his arms. "It doesn't have a name. It just won't stop following me. I have no intention of keeping it."

Hakkai placed the kitten to the ground, watching with a chuckle as the kitten made its way over to the couch, once again cuddling up in Sanzo's lap. Hakkai could only laugh. "He doesn't look like he wants to leave, now does he?" the man smiled, reaching into his pocket. "Hold on, I've got an idea." The brunette pulled a piece of material out of his pocket, sliding it over the kitten's head, letting it rest around his neck. Sanzo's eyes focused on the makeshift collar, surprised at his own choked gasp. It was one of Goku's armbands. One from way back when they still journeyed together. It seemed to fit, but the sight of the wristband brought back a lot of memories.

"He looks kinda like him…" Gojyo whispered, but then shut his mouth. His eyes rested on Sanzo, who was still staring at the cat, pretending he didn't hear. He wasn't stupid. He'd recognized it too. He shoved the cat from his lap, moving sharp eyes to the pair in front of him.

"You've seen me, I'm not dead, now get the hell out of my house before I find my gun," the man snapped again, stalking off towards his kitchen.

Gojyo rolled his eyes. "Whatever you say, princess." The pair turned, heading towards the door. Just as it seemed like they were going to leave, Gojyo turned, and called over his shoulder, "Make sure you name it now, San-chan!"

"Drop dead!" Sanzo yelled, which was followed by the slamming of the front door. The blonde sighed, grabbing the pack of discarded cigarettes on the counter, placing one between his lips, and lighting it. He glanced down to the kitten, which stood looking up at him curiously.

Sanzo bent down in front of the kitten, watching as it pawed at the smoke trailing from his cigarette. "You want a name?" he muttered, watching the kitten play. "How about 'Saru'? It seems to fit."

The kitten jumped to try and grab his cigarette, but fell and landed on the floor with a thud. Sanzo chuckled. "Saru it is."

---

The next few days passed easily. Sanzo managed to get a lot of work done, but couldn't deter Saru from sleeping on his lap. He didn't seem to mind. If he was suddenly plagued with writer's block, he'd just start petting the cat. Immediately he would begin to purr like a motor boat. The second he stopped petting, the cat stopped purring. It seemed to amuse him no end. He would never admit it, but he was thankful for the cat's presence. He missed having to care for something else, having to feed it endlessly. And having to hear his annoying cries whenever he wanted affection. It was great, but it seemed to only strengthen his loneliness. He missed Goku. Deeply. It had been ten years, why hadn't he come back yet?

Sanzo hated to admit it, but a part of him knew that Goku was never coming back. He didn't stop him that day ten years ago. He'd lost him forever. Still, a small, childish part of him wanted to believe that someday, there would be a knock on his door, and Goku would be standing there. He'd pull him into one of his tight hugs, and Sanzo wouldn't mind. He would kiss him endlessly, savoring the taste he'd missed in the past ten years.

Sanzo sighed, and stopped writing. He looked over at the purring kitten in his lap, before running fingers through his golden hair. Saru was nothing but trouble, be decided, pushing thoughts from his head in a vain attempt to try and focus on the story in front of him. When all he could see in his mind's eye was himself shoving the brunette to the bed, he decided it was useless.

Gently, he nudged the kitten off his lap, heading for the door. He grabbed his cigarettes, and his jacket, before stepping out into the night.

He had to admit he was slightly annoyed when Saru trotted out to follow him.

He headed down the darkened roads, placing a cigarette between his lips and lighting it. He took a long, slow drag from it, letting the smoke settle in his lungs for a moment before breathing out. He had no idea where he was going. All the shops were closed. He headed through the small village, pushing past a small patch of trees to a cliff that overlooked a valley below. He was a long way from Chang'an, but the scenery looked almost exactly the same. He stared out into the darkened sky, wondering if he should simply sit and wait for the beautiful golden sun to rise.

He'd always been so reluctant to watch sunrises. Back then, he was just in a hurry. He was always trying to hurry his life along. Get the journey through. Get his paperwork done. Get the day done. He never had time for sunsets or little flowers or kisses or anything that took up time and had no real point.

But in the last ten years, Sanzo couldn't get enough of them.

His life had just slowed down. Like the fast-forward button on his life had suddenly broken, and he was forced to take it very slow to make up for it. He often found himself just relaxing with his thoughts. Watching sunset or sunrises. Star-gazing or cloud-watching. The last hurried thing he'd done was getting out of Chang'an as fast as humanly possible. The last thing he wanted were stupid monks clinging to him, and the constant sound of Goku's phantom footsteps haunting him.

He doubted even if he wanted to speed it up, it simply wouldn't.

"Hey."

Surprised at the sudden voice, Sanzo turned, and almost fell over. He must've been imaging it. He'd spent too much time dwelling, and now his mind was playing tricks on him. But there he stood. Goku. Ruffled, but none the less his Goku.

The boy he remembered had long since become a man. His short, tussled brown hair had grown long again, but at least the boy had the decency to tie it back into a ponytail. He wore robes of a traveling monk, and Sanzo could only wonder where he had picked them up. He had grown as well, and was nearly as tall as Sanzo. But Goku was still Goku, as Sanzo could plainly see from the dirt that covered his face.

Goku dropped his bag to the ground with a thud, only able to stare, and Sanzo could only stare back. How long had he waited to find him again? How long had he dreamt of this moment? How long had he waited to pull that stupid idiotic monkey into a kiss, and never let him go? Still, now that the moment had presented itself, all he found he could do was stare.

He attempted to gather his composure back. "Hey," he replied softly.

Goku gave a soft smile, but did not attempt to move. Sanzo guessed he was just as frozen to the spot as he was. "Have… things been well?' he asked.

"Yeah," Sanzo replied softly. "I've got my own house now…"

"Yeah," Goku replied. "I thought as much."

The two were silent again for a long while. The only sound that disturbed the pregnant silence was the rustle of leaves not far from them. Ten years and they had no idea what to say.

Goku let out a soft laugh, cocking his head to the side. "I went to Chang'an," he said. "Trying to find you. The monks recognized me, and kicked me out. Said you didn't live there anymore," he paused. "I've spent the past year and a half looking for you."

Sanzo felt a pang of guilt. A year and a half. Maybe he should have just waited at Chang'an. Then maybe he could've seen Goku a whole year and a half sooner. He swallowed. "Sorry," he whispered.

"Its fine," Goku whispered, and once again it was silent. Still, neither party moved to greet the other properly. They stood like strangers. Enemies even, forced into small talk.

After several moments, Goku opened his mouth in an attempt to start up conversation again, when Sanzo silenced him with a mind-blowing kiss. In three easy strides, he was in front of the brunette. He grasped the man's shoulders, crushing his mouth on his own.

How he'd missed this. Goku was slightly surprised by the sudden contact, but immediately relaxed into it. His arms slid up behind Sanzo's neck, fingers lacing in his golden hair. Sanzo's hands fell to the man's hips, pulling him close to his body. Goku was back. He had Goku in his arms again, and he would be damned if he let him go again.

The heated kiss broke when the need for air was too strong. Sanzo pressed his forehead to Goku's, staring longingly into those golden pools he missed so much. "I'm still in love with you, damnit," he whispered, breathless.

Goku could only stare a moment, before chuckling softly. "Good…" he whispered. "For a while there… I thought you were still mad…"

"I'm mad as hell, don't delude yourself," Sanzo growled back, an odd smirk playing on his lips. "But that doesn't mean I'm not glad to see you again." He leaned next to the young man's ear, chewing softly on the lobe. "You stink, you know that?" he whispered.

Goku laughed softly, tightly hugging the blonde. "I know."

It was then the pair noticed the small cat weaving through the tangle of legs, meowing softly. Goku stepped back, grinning from ear to ear. "You got a cat while I was gone, Sanzo?" he asked with a chuckle, pulling the affectionate animal into his arms.

Sanzo let a rare smile grace his lips, placing his hands in his pockets. "Yup. You'll have to battle him for my affection. He's been all over me as of late."

Goku raised an amused brow up towards the blonde. "Really now?' he said, tone interested, before he turned his attention back to scratching the cat's ears. "You'd better back off there, little kitty. Sanzo's my lover." He then looked back up to the flushing ex-monk, smiling at him. "What's his name?"

"Saru."

Goku raised a brow in question.

"I figured it fit," Sanzo answered with a shrug.

Goku could only laugh, playing the kitten back on the ground, before lacing his fingers in with Sanzo's. "I think I've found what I was looking for," he whispered. Sanzo simply shot him a questionable look. "I spent almost eight years looking for something I realized was under my nose." To prove his point, Goku kissed him lightly on the nose. "When I realized I already had what I was missing, I ran back to Chang'an as fast as I could." He then let out a long, taunting kiss on his lips. "I love you, Sanzo."

Sanzo smile, kissing him back. "I love you too. But you need a bath."

Goku smirked devilishly. "I'll gladly let you wash behind my ears… along with other places."

Sanzo frowned to hide his blush. "Shut up, you stupid monkey," he said, before heading back towards town, tugging on Goku's arm. "C'mon, let's go home."

* * *

**A/N:** I like how this turned out, though I don't like the title much. Oh well. It works.

I originally planned to have Goku die, then use the kitten as a reincarnation of him. Then I scratched that idea. I've killed Goku and Sanzo one too many times, so I decided to have Goku leave instead. I know it seems unlikely that Goku would ever leave Sanzo, but I wanted to try that idea. Sanzo seems more likely to leave him, then the other way around. (Laughs) But I like how it turned out.

This was actually inspired by episode seven of Reload. I loved that episode. I squealed while watching it multiple times. Me being a sad little fangirl that I am. But I had to add my own original twist to it, so here it is.

I love comments/reviews/concerns/criticism/death threats! So please don't forget to click the button in the corner for me!


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